same day like Malaysia thus it makes us celebrate it 4 hours earlier than Msia and had been fasting for 29days only.
Syukran Ya ALLAH...i have my Syawal again even though its different this year. i wont be celebrating it at home, as usual . im celebrating it in foreign land, that what we have to accept as we become international students and stay far away from family.
i dont know how to describe my feeling. i was so tired that i had to sleep early last nite but i couldnt sleep well. i kept on wake up out of sudden for few times and felt that something is missing. i dont know whether it because i feel sad of not being together with ma family today, of its because i feel sad as to many stupid things happened lately.
i do feel bad that i couldnt be with my family to celebarate Syawal especially my 1st Syawal. i cant see everyone bz preparing food with raya songs come out from everywhere as soon as i open my eyes. what i saw today as when i opened my eyes were quite ,soundless room that belong to me, the dim light from my window as the sun just arose, and only two messages came into my hp. one from my fren, hakim and another from my special.
then i felt sumthing missing again. still feel it till now.i feel like crying but i cant. i think i just ok to celebrate raya from far, away from my family. i can see them, i can call them tru ym, we can have vid call. i can see how they celebrating raya,but still,i wont be same. im not there to feel their air and warmness of being around my family. my frens started to invite us to come over their houses so we can celebrate raya together. this is such a good idea.we wont feel bad coz we r celebrating raya too.
but,
in spite of all the happiness we tried to have today,
in spite of all the empty feeling we try to avoid today,
i still feel sumthing is missing,rite in my heart.
my worries still there,i know.
got it from incident that happened last week,
im still x fully recover. i still demand for explanation n way to make rite decision.
i hate the fact that it happened when Syawal is coming.
it doubles my sadness even.
i hope ALLAH will grant me strength, ALLAH will save me, n shows me the best answer.
n i hope this Ramadhan and Syawal wont be the worst i ever had.
i'v already felt something was lacking in my Ramadhan,
i dont wanna have distressing Syawal too.
ALLAH, i wanna be a happy person today...
ALLAH...blow away this restless feeling...i wanna smile..
~0RanGeVaNilla~
