:: A Lost Heart ::

I asked myself, 

' do u really need 'someone' to go trough ur life now and then?'

 i'v been asking myself this question since years ago and lately i'v even asked myself more frequently. Finally, i guess i know the answer. i NEED my FAMILY, that is definite. i need my FRIENDS who i know for years specifically in RPS, MRSM Kuantan and Matriculation. and i, seriously need to go trough this life by my own, without worries and fears, with a confidence that i'll be able to do that and i NEED ALLAH to always be with me.

i know and i do think bout it. i'm a normal human being.i observe people around me and learn about life from them. i know there are things that people will aim to achieve and consider as an 'achievement' or be proud of being succeeded in pursuing it. example --> marriage. simple as that.

as i told, i'v been thinking bout that and having 'someone' is really a big question mark. No joke.  i'v no answer, no hunch to tell me a hint at least, no desire to, and i'm failed in anticipating my own life. so suddenly comes this saying, a person who fail to plan is actually plan to fail. sigh. I DONT WANNA CARE, that's what i feel now. 

i appreciate people around me.i appreciate whoever comes to be by my side, to be my friend, to spend their time with me, to make me happy and feel special..so much thanks! i'm seriously feeling so thankful to these people and always pray that ALLAH will ease  their way and help them to find whatever they seek in their life.i pray that i wont take them for granted and would be able to treat them in the best way that they deserve to get.

for all the questions that i had,

my heart told me,

" i would rather and more than happy to have friends, good friends, or best friends of different gender- instead of having them as a boyfriend. i'm happy to spend my time with them, have a good chat each time we meet or talk on phone, listen to probs (including his probs bout his girl) and lend a hand whenever needed. a good female friend will be better idea indeed, but at this age its hard to find one coz people are bz searching for their soul mate or catching up with old friends, and making new BFF somehow creates more probs as they suddenly will treat u like a rival a.k.a future enemy.  in fact, i already have a lotsss of besties now (girls) and i would love to keep them as that many , not to add more coz i dont wanna divide my attention into smaller pieces. i want to love them with all my heart and  to just let it stay that way. i have no worry if my heart will feel 'empty' coz the 'emptiness' is always there till i doubt if i can stand a new feeling which is to fall in love, expecting and hoping again but at the end the reality will kill me. so, i rather have best friends who will never betray me and i'l be happy to wish them a best of luck in their life. that way, i'll always be by their side and they wont lose me and i wont lose them too. it sounds crazy but no one knows, it is the best that i can do and offer, and i'm being fair to everyone coz to let the whole story revealed is not a good idea.it's a waste coz people wont be as that understanding unless they are also have been in the same shoes as u do. full stop."

... the small voice in my heart says , 

or maybe i dont have my heart anymore coz it has been taken away, far2 away and it has lost it senses....

what's ur problem??

Others are really have nothing to do with my life. I accept wholeheartedly if they want to be around with sincere heart coz i also hope i can be sincere too. i appreciate people who come into my life and for all the good things i learn from them, i'll be thankful. Otherwise, i wont care much if I need to be all by myself coz its easier. i dont have to depends on others and i can be independent. most important thing is, i wont need to involve too many hearts in my daily life decisions and i wont interfere in others' affair which i supposed not to be involved in. that's it.

I have looked tru my life, all the ups and downs, all the mistakes that i hv unintentionally done, and think and hope that ALLAH only wanna show me that life teaches us to grow mature and be a better person. who wants to be selfish, no one wants. people are all imperfect so am i. coz im a typical n normal human being who falls and stands up again to wipe the bruises and learns  sumthing from that. no one wants to be born as a bad human being so if i ever did sumthing wrong to anyone, why do u only look at the negative side of it? i can accept advices but lets us see first who is talking there. if u r talking but not looking at mirror first, then how it would help? 

i'm learning. and i'm fine with myself now. i just dont want to be disturbed. i dont wanna involve in anyone's life coz im not interested in it, im not interested in listening to others' affair n need to be at one side only just to please them, and im not interested to be a liar coz i need to pretend like a good someone in front of others but talking bad about them behind their back. why are u feeling so unease if im happy living my life alone? why do u want me to be rounded by many people and get probs coz of that?what's ur prob??  

:: MiDNIGHT DiLEMMA::

thanks and 'thanksss' a lot to my brother for :

1) being such an awesome, and thoughtful, and kindhearted brother for treating me with chicken burger tho i didnt ask for it coz he worried that i might feel hungry at nite. yes, u r sooo nice!

2) *sigh*... being such a typical guy who doesn't understand that eating at MIDNIGHT (1215am) will ruin this awesome/cute girl's diet program especially when the subject that we r talking bout here is CHICKEN BURGER which is totally tempting and irresistible.

aaaaaaa. why do u put me in a dilemma? yes or no? eating or not eating?? sobbb~~~

:: Stalker ::

i just wonder if i have a regular stalker here, of maybe a FAN? i can sense a presence of  the same person on my blog everyday.

well, this is only my personal blog. nothing to be publicized about. i am aware that i have put the availability opens to everyone, and any people can just stop and stare in here,drop a comment  if they like to, i dont care. but, if u stop by everyday just to stalk on me, u waste ur time. really.

i dont care people reading, but please dont make a random judgement if u never know the real me in person. if u never talk to me face to face or atliz live with me for a certain period of time, u better think this is a blog of stranger that u'l never know. or  dont ever think, thru ur reading in here, u'll know me better or exactly who i am. these are too little to make u know me.

i just write whatever i feel like writing and it is my personal view and reflection of my life. u know, its a therapy to balance my emotion and its not to entertain anyone.

if i wrote sumthing educational and informative, im glad u read it for pleasure as well as to expand ur knowledge. im glad if im able to help and if it does benefit u. so keep on reading and do drop ur comments so i cant improve or share more. 

im welcoming everyone to drop in here, it just, i am a bit un-pleased to have a feeling that someone particular is watching over me n.if its YOU, please, go away.

:: coz i remember ::

i remembered what u said to her. and i'm not that pitiful. those insincere faces. huh. sorry. i know u too well and i dont even want to see ur face. no point to pretend like u r too kind. urghhh. go to hell!

:: 2 PM porridge ::

Weekend ended pretty fast with awesome days to remember.  We ( the whole cohort) went to Kokako Lodge in Papakura for a camp. The rules were kinda loose as we were allowed to organise the camp on our own. it was like : u have money and so u can pay, and so u can own the place for a while, make some activities guided by some instructors, add on ur own activities and, thats it! u may leave when u done! all in all, we had : five activities provided by Kokako Lodge : High rope, chariot, Kiwi Fly, archery, and kayak and few activities by our own : honesty, guessing game, stand on the chair, passing egg,etc. we didnt manage to do kayaking coz the weather didnt allow us to. what a sad little story.

I'm back to reality. got a heap of works to do. ASSIGNMENT  is a big word now. three to complete at the moment and one test + one exam are waiting. I'm not in a good health condition really. these few days, i feel  a bit feverish. yesterday n today, i slept too much. slept in the evening and woke up after 12am. and today i was hungry when i woke up at 130am ++. i felt dizzy at the same time. i went down to get rice n fish that i kept in the fridge earlier, but the rice wasnt there. i was so frustrated. well, here goes a saying, '  a hungry man is an angry man',  so does a girl. so i was angry and  to lessen the annoyance, i put up a status on my fb about that. 

and there came a friend offering food to me. a plain porridge, he said. i dont mind really. the truth is i have no  rice left at all so that made me feeling more annoyed. the friend then sent the porridge to my house. it was more than enough, be it in quantity as well as the taste. but what counts more is the concern that a friend showed. 

somehow, we just need a little tiny thing to happen just to show us who the real friends are. maybe my example ain't that convincing but at least i know that i have a friend that wont let me starving all nite long before i can get other food on the next day. i should say Alhamdulillah. i accepted the losing rice as a fate for me tonight, like it didnt mean to be mine. but no one knows what ALLAH plans for us. i'm full now, feel more fresh n ready to continue doing my work. thank you ALLAH!

:: Beautiful Heart ::

i have started my practicum  since 4 days ago. all went well and i think i like my class where i  have been assigned to work in. The classroom teacher whose name is Chander, is a really nice person. she is Fijian, and she is really hardworking and committed. i think everyone in the school are really good to us , they welcome us really well hence we never feel like an outsider. i feel good to be at school tho i dont really have much time talking to most teachers. i didn't really teach this week, i just did some observation n helped Chander with few things that i think i am able to do. 

New Zealand school is always like the way it should be but this one is way cooler than other school. the teachers are cool, the students do not need to wear uniform, they have 3-times recess hour, and this school is really a good example of multicultural school.

from day to day, im getting used with the school, the class, the students, the system, the time management and the feeling of being a teacher. all staff in there are kind and nice. sometimes, i just wonder. how these people can be so kind, understanding n helpful? why can't people in Malaysia be like them?

this morning when i was waiting for the bus, i saw lotsa high school students waiting for the bus too. the were all Maori n pacific islander. the guys stood near to the point where the bus will stop, n me n Hasrul were at the back, almost buried in the crowd. as usual, we need to queue up before we can get into the bus. to my surprise, when the bus stopped, none of these Maori boys went into the bus. they instead backed off and let me go first. i wondered why they did that but without thinking too much, i just went up into the bus, tagged on my Hop Card and took a seat. after all the public people ( elderly, worker, etc) have had their seats, then the students came in- one by one, with their very own style. some were singing, some were teasing each other. finished taking all the passenger ,the bus then went on.at the next stop, the bus stopped and took few more passengers. there were no empty seat at that time but few Maori students  stood up from their seats and gave away the seats to the new passengers. then after that, every time the bus stopped to pick up more passengers, the other maori guys will give up their seats to the new comers and they wouldn't mind to stand up in the bus along the way to their school. i was so touched to see this. i just knew that students in new zealand really have a good attitude. The boys being a man, did a little thing yet means a lot. i bet all the older people here used to practice the same attitude when they were young so that is why the youngsters can follow it without any complaints. i remember when i went to Maori village last semester, Gazza told us that Maori people really protect their women. so this morning, i felt myself was one of their women and i felt special, so did the other people who were given a seat in the bus.

this evening , another one thing happened to me. the school finished at 3pm but as usual i'll talk to Chander about the school system and teaching stuff. today i stayed with her a bit longer coz she showed me how she used the curriculum booklet to plan her teaching. it was 1515pm when i went down from the classroom to go to staff room coz i wanted to use the nearby toilet before going back home. after that i went straightaway to the main door at office lobby to find my mates who actually have been waiting for me outside the school area. i walked pass by the information counter and i saw Mike. he greeted me and told that he saw my friends are waiting for me.  i thanked him for that and suddenly he  quickly went into the store and took out an umbrella. he said i can borrow his umbrella coz it was raining heavily outside. i told him i'll be fine and i wont need the umbrella coz we gonna take a bus and i wont get wet. but at the end, we really walked back home and luckily, we had enough umbrellas. Mike also a very nice person . really. he is rich with smile , has a sweet face , friendly , funny and really helpful. i think people here are really nice. i wish i am also one of these nice persons. 

i dont why.. but im feeling so sad to accept the truth that im gonna leave this country soon. :'(

:: SNow in Welly ::

Wellington da turun snow. Auckland bile lagi??

 :'(

kedudukan Auckland dalam peta sangat jauh ketengah North Island. So, x mungkin la akan ade snow kt Auckland. Kalau Welly lain la, welly tu kat hujung north yg da dekat2 dengan South Island yg, memang bersnow. so tahun ni, tuhan bagi anugerah salji kat Wellington. mesti seronok kan? khabarnye Snow fall akan berlaku di hujung2 Auckland, tpi kt area2 peak Waitekere, kt Coromandel Peninsula. Coromandel pun dah 5 jam dari Auckland Central. hmmm. 

Sekarang da macam ade hobi baru pulak. asek2 tengok weather forecast. tengok south island.. tengok welly.. sume pun bersnow. rindu nye pada south island.. rindu sangat.. setiap kali teringat, ade perasaan yg sebak. macam ternanti2 sesuatu yg jauh. yg xpasti. yg dirindui. sobb~ (emo)

Ya ALLAH.. lagi 3 bulan lebih je nak blik Malaysia. tapi sayang nye nak tinggalkn New Zealand. nak tengok snow. nak bangun pagi, tengok luar tingkap and nampak snow turun... 

ada ke peluang tu...suatu masa nanti..? 

:'(

im sick of u!

crying a lot lately. im growing up mybe. like more n more pain comes n hurt me, i know that the way how people become stronger. i shud be strong. let them do dat. let them b happy with dat. im sick of YOU!

So not like home.

why i'm always be a person who lack of everything and has bad luck all da times?
i'm scared enough to do anything now coz every step i took, it was a wrong one.
why??

think this is not a good kickoff for me. i shudnt be here. i shud stay far and alone. all the sweet talks are fake. no, they might be true but it is not so right for a person like me. God, lead me please,,,lead me to the rite path.

this feeling is so not rite. im so not like im home. no. :(




~0RanGeVaNilla~

Peek-a-Boo

My bewilderment towards my own self keeps coming now and it's always knocking my consciousness.repeatedly.endlessly. like it never knows what ' fatigue' 'tired' 'exhausted' and 'sick' mean. then i question myself, y do i have this kind of thought keeps coming into my mind?

maybe i'm not a great observant. but i do know how to differentiate things. make a comparison to see how far have i gone and how far have others achieved. sometimes i do have a good instinct on things. if at the kickoff i have already felt uneasy, i know the thing wont be ended nicely  . 

i have a strong believe in instinct. but, if i were to make reflections on my days of life,along these 22years and 10 months, i cant say my instinct is valid to be used as a base of my stories. coz if i were to start with the day 1 of my existence, i knew not who i am gonna be in the future, i knew not what will come along the way of my very own life, not even knew in which family will i be, and never know till now what life really can offer me in few years ahead.i know not now whether my journey will be safe or not. see,  instinct just comes to give a hint on how things might go. good or not. should or shouldn't i do it. but in certain circumstances, our initial feelings on things won't lead to its final result. yet, i still believe in instinct coz it has helped me few times, especially in relationship matters.

at this very moment, i'm playing a peek-a-boo but my version of peek-a-boo is not enjoyable and exciting at all. coz i'm hiding all the time and if somebody sees me or finds me, i'm dead. 

so where am i going?? keep on running or stay? or just walk steadily at the same pace? i know now i have written lotsa twists. coz life is never easy. to describe the difficulties, a piece of writing will never ever be able to do dat. and now, i do know what i'm feeling, i do know the reasons for those feelings,but i dont know how to express it exactly and precisely coz it is complicated. nobody will understand,unless we have gone through the same things. try the hardest u can, put ur self in one's shoes. dat's merely an idiom. imagination and empathy wont really help, coz u might forget bout it finally. but if u do experience, and it has became a part of ur life, u'l know.Listen to the song from Ahli Fikir group, 'Tik Tok Simpati', they sing "tik tok tik tok tik tok tik simpati..suiz letrik pun dimati..disitu simpati berhenti...".

i'l say,yes,yes,yes. they are so right!! 

-Sigh-

I'm counting days and having a mix feeling now. i always missing Auckland but how i'm gonna live my life makes me ponder for a while. surprisingly, my brain deny to do da job. so no conclusion gained. i wanna live it to the fullest. that's all.

I'm reminiscing what i have done since i came back here. im totally jobless and friendless. the good things happened to me were only :

1) my best friend is married

2)i went out few times and drove the car by myself

3)i can call Zana most of time to go out since she is pretty near and always free

4)i have good times resting at home

5)i'v started liking my permed hair

my life is slow and steady. few days back, i felt confusion over certain particular things. but slowly i'v stopped thinking bout it. im no more wanna give it a damn. without doing anything and being a great idler, im still feel so tired.my brain works a bit slower lately. and i can just give a sigh to myself. haihhh.

~0RanGeVaNilla~

:: Buh-bye contct lens!! T__T ::

tahniah tuk Cik Izzati sebab dia memang cepat2 bab2 mende2 yg terupdate kat laman sesawang neh. memang saya tengah rase macam breath-stopping gile sekarang ni,plus minor heart attack gak. klo ikot bahasa lainnye,mungkin mini culture shock.pe kaitan?? haha. x la. semput je. semput sebab ingatkan balik msia bawak NZD n convert ke RM leh jdi org kaya baru,rupanye jadi orang sengkek selalu. derrrr.

macam2 nak dibelinye kat sini. tpi tengok2 mane yg da bese gune kt auckland, kat sini hargenye macam nak terbang blik ke auckland gune roket laju. yg losen NZD4 dolar pun leh dapat dah jd RM19.90 kt sini.apakah?? charge kapal terbang ke?gugugugu. sakit kepala, nak pengsan!!!

huh!yg kt atas tu lak,,pasal kuar gi shopping semalam. yup,its true. gi wt cermin mata baru kt Focus Point, Ipoh Parade Shopping Mall. sekali tengok,, semata2 tuk memenuhi kriteria yg diinginkan,kena RM600+ -. daaa. alahai. lemah lutut. kalau nak amek yg ala kadar, mmg la leh dapat murah,tpi risiko??? sob. dan cik zati yg prihatin telah menjadi org pertama mendengar bebelan saya secara terbuka tu. kekekeke. dan katenye,,'silalah bertabah hati". 

betol tu zati! mmg tu je yg tinggal.keredhaan. ngeee. sebab kepala otak pon duk fikir nk sedapkn hati sendiri.ktenye " naz, dont be regreted. klo cermin mata cmtu,kat NZ,da sah2 NZD700 taw. sebab, nk gune frame best, nak lens best yakni Hoya high index lenses 6.7 ko tu...mene de orang nk bgi seposen dua!!ko tu pon ngade,,nak yg best2 aje, ni kalau convert ni kurang NZD 300.kire ok la kan?kan?? "

"no..no. bukan ngade nk beli mahal2. i have to. kalau x,ko ingt kat auckland  tu nanti mampu lak ak nak beli yg len klo jadi pape,klo x tahan lame???ok, NZD 300 sounds reasonable.." hati saya lak membidas dan setuju dengan ayat penyedap hati cik otak .hurrrmmm.

ntah laaa..perasaan yg sangat xbest sekarang ni mungkin disebabkn oleh angan2 yg knon pada awalnye nk jimat banyak ,tpi rupenye x jugak. mungkin jugak sebab tengok nombor nye besar sgt,sampai 600 bukan 300 cm selalu, n mungkin sebab taw xdpat claim.so rse nk la nangis jugak. pling xleh blah, rase terkilan n mnyesal..sebab mate yg xde silau ni tibe2 de silau 100 lak. huwaaaa.banyak sangat tu! ni da cm buta da,,,bukan rabun lagi. huuu. sedey taw! salahkn diri sendiri. 

uuu... ade xsesape de petua nak hilangkan rabun??de x??plizzzz. xsnggup da nk bertambah2 rabun n bertambah2 duit nk wt crmin bru dari thun ke thun. sob3. paling2 sedey tahap dewa langit ke 7, lepas ni penggunaan contact lens da xdigalakkan sama sekali . sob3. contact lens is my another obsession. how can live without it??huwaaaaa. T___T

S E D I H  T A U !!!!!  : ((

~0RanGeVaNilla~

::punish me::

im receiving my punishment now..for  being a very annoying, irritating and bothersome someone. i hate this. i wont be such person if theres no reason. i hate diz. i wanna cry.huksssss. i hate the situation only, n feel like blaming myself thousands times. yet,still love the person. hmm.

~0RanGeVaNilla~

- Crazy-

i dont wanna care bout anything anymore after this if it is not related to me. im so tired. i need rest. i dont know what happens to me lately but my life is full with mess. i should not let this ruins me, i have lots of other things to think about and to take care of. 3 weeks before i can fly back to Malaysia. my feeling is just like 'im x sure'. *sigh*

the crazy decision that im gonna make,it seems hanging there. no decision. undecided. still confused and i didnt have time to think bout it. but..its even more crazy now coz i started to feel like it is 60% of NO and 40% YES. haha. anyway, lemme be straightforward. i'v been thinking of cancelling my plan to go back to Malaysia this summer holiday. i wanna stay here and work. so it means im gonna burn my tickets from Auckland-Gold Coast-Malaysia which cost me approximately NZD550. such a big amount if u convert it into MYR.haih~

im so sleepy. my head is spinning n im so dizzy. i need rest. i need rest.




~0RanGeVaNilla~

:: Spring photos are ready!!! yey! ::

Hidup ni kadang2 penuh kekeliruan kan?? susah nak tetapkan hati bile buat sesuatu tambah2 lgi bile buat keputusan. hari ni memang hari yg xbest. gi kelas pukul 1 and skip lecture langtech sebab terlebih tdo smpai terbngun lewat tuk sambung assigmnt educ223 yg kena hantar hri ni. teruk..teruk...

lepas tu gi kelas Esol kul 2pm, dapat balik kertas ujian hari tu. markah pon mengecewakan. sekali lagi..teruk..teruk. then termenung je, dalam hati marah diri sendiri sebab xjdi pandai. mula2 skor A je test n assgmnt ESOL, da pastu, merosot pulak. ni mesti masalah hati perasaan la ni smpai otak weng. teruk..teruk..

pastu paksa diri..dengar btol2 pe John ajar hari ni. padan muke,skrg bru nk focus smpai tembus whiteboard. naseb bek jugak la tenung whiteboard je,klo dok tenung John tu ,mau dia jatuh cnta ngan ak lelama kang kn. yelah,kata orang,dari mata turun ke hati.gituuhhh!! then jalan kaki blik dari kelas, tpi singgah Auckland City Library dulu dgn Shu tuk pulangkn buku, rase lapa nak mati. nak decide nak makan kat mane pon lame sgt. Nk gi Mid City kebab ke, Nak makan kt Donair ke sbb shu blom penah try lagi makan kt situ or nak gi Ayuthaya je sebab Shu lapa nasi. aihhhh! tgk, keliru nk buat keputusan. but then finally. kitorg decided nk bawak hti yg lara ni gi mentakedarah kat Ayuthaya tpi... singgah dlu Donair tuk bli chicken nibbles and chicken fillet burger.oh mak! gile tamak n kebulurnye,dgn duit pon tggl sekupang dua neh ,selera nk besar jgk kn? sampai dua2 kedai nk gi. layan je la. pe nak buat,hti tgah sedih mane la igt nk makan sikit2. (penipu gile, ptotnye xde selera makan kan??). pastu da mkn2 nsi, ayam n burger tu jdi bekal mkn tgh malam jgk sudahnye.

dok2 lepak kt bilik melayan lagu favorite yg bru ( sbb yg lame da bosan da,xnak dengar lgi), smbil tu berjiwang sesorang, pastu CIk ZATI ( mmg ak wajib sebut la name ko ni,,aihhhh!) pon mengumumkn secara rasmi, dia nk wt tour @ photo delivery dari bilik ke bilik. sementara tggu cik zati, sempat la lipat baju sepuloh dua puloh helai. 

pastu cik zati pon dtg la bwk pndrive dia n bgi gmbr2 photo shooting hari tu.Elok je zati balik, Shu pon datang. ohh,,bru tringat,,kitorang de food yg kena dihabiskn mlm ni. so sambil2 makan burger n ayam, tgk la pics yg diambil oleh cik zati @ photographer kite. pastu rase hppy tibe sbb gmbr2 nye sume superb kan?? excited! perut pon da makin kenyang. lagi la senang hti. da lupe da sedih kt kelas ESOL tadi. semangat berkobar2 nk upload pics tu tuk mummy n daddy tgk.hoyeeeyyyhhh!! maceh cik Zati sayang! muahx3!!

so berbalik pada intro tadi, hidup ni mmg mgelirukan kn??tadi sedih ,skrg da happy sgt pulak..heee.teruk!!! 

=D

by the way,here the pictures :

solo pose by me =)

 hello peeps!!

the girls~

me n tulip

cool~

my dream sakura path n finally i was there!

~0RanGeVaNilla~

Kenapa tak tolong???

rase bersalah sgt tadi. sgt2. sebab mse blik je dri kelas ( lepas menghadapi hri yg dreadful dgn assgnmnt esol210 + test straight away lepas tu) .trjmpe lak de laki mt salleh yg duk keresahan depan pagar huia! dlm hti, ' ishhh..pe bnde pulak la ni,,jgn ckp org mabuk da laaaa..". cuak la jugak menengoknye tpi beranikan jgk diri lalu tepi org tu demi mmbolehkn diri ni msuk lam huia n mnemui encik katil yg dicintai.

elok je lalu tepi mamat omputeh tu,,dia jerit tnjuk tgn dia yg nmpk cm trkulai layu. pastu tgnnye cm bengkak n kemerahan. dlm hti lgi, "eh,,pesal ni?tgn sakit ke?nk mintak tolong ke?' .tpi dek kerana xfhm pe dia bebelkn, kitorg just blah je. msing2 da cuak sbb pikir tu org mabuk ke hape. tpi ak lam hti da berbelah bahagi,,nak gi tye dia pe masalah ke  x,,tpi dalam dok dilema diri tu,,ema dah lari msuk huia. katenye, " jom wehhh...takot.ntah2 org xbtol".yg lain sume ikot la mncicit lari msuk huia termasuk diri ku yg msih dalam dilema tu. xtw la npe,wlopon tkot kt org tu,,ak stil rse cm ksian n risau kt dia. ape motif?? ak pon xtw.

smpai je bilik,,dgn hti yg msih de sisa2 smpati ni,,ak jengukkn kepala ke luar tingkap. where is he???intai2 tgk pgar huia,,owh..xnmpk dri tgkap bilik. ak alihkan pndangan ke prking kete huia,,then nmpk la mamat tu tgh ckp dgn seorg awek omputeh gak. si mamat terus la mmegang tgn kanan dia yg bengkak tu dgn tgn kirinye. si awek pulak duk tertunjuk2 ke arah hospital smbil si mamat terangguk2 kepalanye.xlame pastu si mamat omputeh pon cube nk salam awek tu dgn tgnnye yg terkulai.then dia pon membelahkn dirinye ke arah hospital.dari situ ak mmbuat konklusi,,mamat tu sbenarnye sgt mmerlukan bntuan sbb tgnnye mgkin pth.


omG!!tibe2 rase bersalah menebal dalam diri. nape la tadi wt bodo je kan. hati mnjerit kate, "kenapa x tolong???". hurrmmm,,,di bulan bek ni,xdapat lak nk menolong org yg mmerlukan.msti mamat tu rse terkilan tdi,,sekumpulan mlaysian wt bodo je bile dia mntak tolong.xde sorang pon diantara berlima tu yg berpaling n cube tolong dia. i feel bad ,,really2 bad. kate org its ok,,its better safe then sorry.wat nye dia mmg mabuk,,haaa..xke naye?/but then bile terngiang tringt dia ckp, " hey guys,,,u didnt speak to me!" dgn mke pnuh mgharap,,rase bersalah  dtg bertubi2 lagi.ya ALLAH,,maafkan hambaMu ini....walaupun xdapat tolong mamat tu tdi,,ak mgharapkn dia selamat n tangannye akan cpt smbuh.smoga kesejahteraannye terpelihara biarlah dia bukan muslim pon.xslhkn doakan utk dia??hmmm...

~0RanGeVaNilla~