Happy Eid Mubarak..

Happy Eid Mubarak everyone,,,,finally,NZ got to celebrate our 1st Syawal today, 10/9/2009.
same day like Malaysia thus it makes us celebrate it 4 hours earlier than Msia and had been fasting for 29days only.
Syukran Ya ALLAH...i have my Syawal again even though its different this year. i wont be celebrating it at home, as usual . im celebrating it in foreign land, that what we have to accept as we become international students and stay far away from family.

i dont know how to describe my feeling. i was so tired that i  had to sleep early last nite but i couldnt sleep well. i kept on wake up out of sudden for few times and felt that something is missing. i dont know whether it because i feel sad of not being together with ma family today, of its because i feel sad as to many stupid things happened lately.

i do feel bad that i couldnt be with my family to celebarate Syawal especially my 1st Syawal. i cant see everyone bz preparing food with raya songs come out from everywhere as soon as i open my eyes. what i  saw today as when i opened my eyes were quite ,soundless room that belong to me, the dim light from my window as the sun just arose, and only two messages came into my hp. one from  my fren, hakim and another from my special.

then i felt sumthing missing again. still feel it till now.i feel like crying but i cant. i think i just ok to celebrate raya from far, away from my family. i can see them, i can call them tru ym, we can have vid call. i can see how they  celebrating raya,but still,i wont be same. im not there to feel their air and warmness of being around my family. my frens started to invite us to come over their houses so we can celebrate raya together. this is such a good idea.we wont feel bad coz we r celebrating raya too.

but,
in spite of all the happiness we tried to have today,
in spite of all the empty feeling we try to avoid today,
i still feel sumthing is missing,rite in my heart.

my worries still there,i know.
got it from incident that happened last week,
im still x fully recover. i still demand for explanation n way to make rite decision.
i hate the fact that it happened when Syawal is coming.
it doubles my sadness even.
i hope ALLAH will grant me strength, ALLAH will save me, n shows me the best answer.
n i hope this Ramadhan and Syawal wont be the worst i ever had.
i'v already felt something was lacking in my Ramadhan,
i dont wanna have distressing Syawal too.
ALLAH, i wanna be a happy person today...
ALLAH...blow away this restless feeling...i wanna smile..

~0RanGeVaNilla~

Kenapa tak tolong???

rase bersalah sgt tadi. sgt2. sebab mse blik je dri kelas ( lepas menghadapi hri yg dreadful dgn assgnmnt esol210 + test straight away lepas tu) .trjmpe lak de laki mt salleh yg duk keresahan depan pagar huia! dlm hti, ' ishhh..pe bnde pulak la ni,,jgn ckp org mabuk da laaaa..". cuak la jugak menengoknye tpi beranikan jgk diri lalu tepi org tu demi mmbolehkn diri ni msuk lam huia n mnemui encik katil yg dicintai.

elok je lalu tepi mamat omputeh tu,,dia jerit tnjuk tgn dia yg nmpk cm trkulai layu. pastu tgnnye cm bengkak n kemerahan. dlm hti lgi, "eh,,pesal ni?tgn sakit ke?nk mintak tolong ke?' .tpi dek kerana xfhm pe dia bebelkn, kitorg just blah je. msing2 da cuak sbb pikir tu org mabuk ke hape. tpi ak lam hti da berbelah bahagi,,nak gi tye dia pe masalah ke  x,,tpi dalam dok dilema diri tu,,ema dah lari msuk huia. katenye, " jom wehhh...takot.ntah2 org xbtol".yg lain sume ikot la mncicit lari msuk huia termasuk diri ku yg msih dalam dilema tu. xtw la npe,wlopon tkot kt org tu,,ak stil rse cm ksian n risau kt dia. ape motif?? ak pon xtw.

smpai je bilik,,dgn hti yg msih de sisa2 smpati ni,,ak jengukkn kepala ke luar tingkap. where is he???intai2 tgk pgar huia,,owh..xnmpk dri tgkap bilik. ak alihkan pndangan ke prking kete huia,,then nmpk la mamat tu tgh ckp dgn seorg awek omputeh gak. si mamat terus la mmegang tgn kanan dia yg bengkak tu dgn tgn kirinye. si awek pulak duk tertunjuk2 ke arah hospital smbil si mamat terangguk2 kepalanye.xlame pastu si mamat omputeh pon cube nk salam awek tu dgn tgnnye yg terkulai.then dia pon membelahkn dirinye ke arah hospital.dari situ ak mmbuat konklusi,,mamat tu sbenarnye sgt mmerlukan bntuan sbb tgnnye mgkin pth.


omG!!tibe2 rase bersalah menebal dalam diri. nape la tadi wt bodo je kan. hati mnjerit kate, "kenapa x tolong???". hurrmmm,,,di bulan bek ni,xdapat lak nk menolong org yg mmerlukan.msti mamat tu rse terkilan tdi,,sekumpulan mlaysian wt bodo je bile dia mntak tolong.xde sorang pon diantara berlima tu yg berpaling n cube tolong dia. i feel bad ,,really2 bad. kate org its ok,,its better safe then sorry.wat nye dia mmg mabuk,,haaa..xke naye?/but then bile terngiang tringt dia ckp, " hey guys,,,u didnt speak to me!" dgn mke pnuh mgharap,,rase bersalah  dtg bertubi2 lagi.ya ALLAH,,maafkan hambaMu ini....walaupun xdapat tolong mamat tu tdi,,ak mgharapkn dia selamat n tangannye akan cpt smbuh.smoga kesejahteraannye terpelihara biarlah dia bukan muslim pon.xslhkn doakan utk dia??hmmm...

~0RanGeVaNilla~

*appreciate*

before u l0ok at the torn of r0se,
l0ok at its beauty,
bef0re u complaint b0ut the heat of the sun,
enj0y its light,
bef0re u c0mplain bout the darkness of the nite,
think of its peace and quite
why l0o at things in such a pessimistic n negative manner?
d0..appreciate everything..we have!

from the book entitled "You Can Be The Happiest Woman in the World" ,written by Dr. 'A'id al-Qarni


*wherever u go and find darkness in your life, what u have to do is to light the lamp within urself =)*