-me-

Things that i love :

• Novels - romance, mysterious, lotsa twists
• clothes - almost all types ( shoes, sandal, wedges, heels, shirt, skirt, hot pans, long sleeve shirt, jeans, tank top, sleeveless, cardigan, belt, scarf, baju kebaya, baju kurung..omg, pliz.i want all!all! )
• sunglasses
• shopping 
• food : takoyaki, fried chicken, bubble tea ( less sweet), laksa, tomyam, sate, double cheese burger, vegetables, carbonara..
• Cat!
• sling bag, handbag
• handphone
• Camera
• Salon
• Make up
• Contact lens
• picnic
• freedom
• cooking
• karaoke
• sightseeing
• cameron highlands
• Auckland
• cam-whoring
• barbeque
• music
• writing
• romantic comedy films
• cycling
• visiting pet shop
• decoration

:new:

thinking of creating new blog. shud i? or use this one and change the layout, color, theme, descriptions..etc.etc. need my own place. really. no stalkers r allowed. pliz.







~0RanGeVaNilla~

this is the stage where i find myself is totally useless. i have come back here since a week ago. but im just staying at home, being an idler, jobless,broke and lonely. i am USELESS.

i dont know what else i can do. shud i walk from door to door and begging for a job. begging to be paid? i feel like bearing a big burden now. i feel restless n worried. i have no money, i havent cleared my credit cards and i dont know how cn i pay March rent. oh God. at this moment, im really at stake.


~0RanGeVaNilla~

150 juta with lyrics

~0RanGeVaNilla~

So not like home.

why i'm always be a person who lack of everything and has bad luck all da times?
i'm scared enough to do anything now coz every step i took, it was a wrong one.
why??

think this is not a good kickoff for me. i shudnt be here. i shud stay far and alone. all the sweet talks are fake. no, they might be true but it is not so right for a person like me. God, lead me please,,,lead me to the rite path.

this feeling is so not rite. im so not like im home. no. :(




~0RanGeVaNilla~

So??

im back to the place where i was belong b4. the very first day is always feel different. it is indeed different coz im no longer stay at the same place i'v been b4. my little tiny room that i'v left n miss so much now, has been replaced to a bigger one that is able to fit in 2 persons. me and shu.

i'm alone now. literally and metaphorically. shu hasnt come back yet. still in malaysia and i guess,she is having good times there. im here alone in this room. using em's lappy as my one couldnt be able to connect to the wireless.

whenever i walk around this house, i'l see Bill and Shafiq. im not totally alone ait? even when they left me 4times today, i had Coca with me. but i wonder, why do i feel alone? Metaphorically. it is.

im turning 23 in a month's time. does it freak me out to think bout the increasing of number? no it is not. but the 'cakap2 orang' does make me feel uneasy. im questioning myself. do i have a bad life now? do i choose a wrong way? do i act like an idiot who knows no direction at all?

i do what my heart feels like doing. i know.. i cant act just to fulfil what i feel like to have. but i have to act based on what my normal healthy brain tells me to do. so what now?

~0RanGeVaNilla~

Peek-a-Boo

My bewilderment towards my own self keeps coming now and it's always knocking my consciousness.repeatedly.endlessly. like it never knows what ' fatigue' 'tired' 'exhausted' and 'sick' mean. then i question myself, y do i have this kind of thought keeps coming into my mind?

maybe i'm not a great observant. but i do know how to differentiate things. make a comparison to see how far have i gone and how far have others achieved. sometimes i do have a good instinct on things. if at the kickoff i have already felt uneasy, i know the thing wont be ended nicely  . 

i have a strong believe in instinct. but, if i were to make reflections on my days of life,along these 22years and 10 months, i cant say my instinct is valid to be used as a base of my stories. coz if i were to start with the day 1 of my existence, i knew not who i am gonna be in the future, i knew not what will come along the way of my very own life, not even knew in which family will i be, and never know till now what life really can offer me in few years ahead.i know not now whether my journey will be safe or not. see,  instinct just comes to give a hint on how things might go. good or not. should or shouldn't i do it. but in certain circumstances, our initial feelings on things won't lead to its final result. yet, i still believe in instinct coz it has helped me few times, especially in relationship matters.

at this very moment, i'm playing a peek-a-boo but my version of peek-a-boo is not enjoyable and exciting at all. coz i'm hiding all the time and if somebody sees me or finds me, i'm dead. 

so where am i going?? keep on running or stay? or just walk steadily at the same pace? i know now i have written lotsa twists. coz life is never easy. to describe the difficulties, a piece of writing will never ever be able to do dat. and now, i do know what i'm feeling, i do know the reasons for those feelings,but i dont know how to express it exactly and precisely coz it is complicated. nobody will understand,unless we have gone through the same things. try the hardest u can, put ur self in one's shoes. dat's merely an idiom. imagination and empathy wont really help, coz u might forget bout it finally. but if u do experience, and it has became a part of ur life, u'l know.Listen to the song from Ahli Fikir group, 'Tik Tok Simpati', they sing "tik tok tik tok tik tok tik simpati..suiz letrik pun dimati..disitu simpati berhenti...".

i'l say,yes,yes,yes. they are so right!!