Saturday, 14 February 2015

knock.knock.

knock.. knock. Who's there?




Did u just knocked my heart and left it hanging
in the air?



*tsk. T.T *





Sunday, 25 January 2015

: Let it Go :

So, finally i'm letting it go. The most valuable offer in my life. I'm offered the course that I have been wanting to do for so long and it is an UNCONDITIONAl offer.
so no IELTS, I just have to get my luggage, money and ticket ready before I can fly off.

Tsk.

That's not gonna happen anyway. I'm stuck here in Malaysia, thinking over the bond that I have with the government and also because of KPM cannot allow me to take a 1 year leave.

and... there are some other reasons too. there are people that I can't simply leave to pursue my dream.


a lot of thinking, and after some advices from elderly and also my several times solat istikharah... I think i should teach my heart to be patient and yea, accept the fact that i'm not leaving.

Allah must have a better plan for me ey? sabarlah hati. :')






Monday, 24 November 2014

Torn :'(

Tho rse torn sangat and super heartbroken, selalu pujuk hati insyaallah, Allah has a better plan for me. Memang setiap hari rasa tertanya2 why, why, why. Termenung tu mmg rutin dah. Nowadays tak taw ape masalahnye, bile solat je i'll tend to suddenly cry. Cry for no reason, sometimes xleh nak stop, it take me hours to be ok. bile doa, not know what to tell ALLAH about it tpi I always believe Allah understands tho I can't say any word to Him. kdg2 mse tgh drive pon after a long day at work, boleh suddenly cry. Setiap hri pon cmtu. Rasa cam hati ni kecik n lemah sbb too sensitive lately. I'm not the old me, xkuat dah. Tpi still good in faking a smile, buat muke xde pape. Alhamdulillah.


fikir2 xtaw ape masalah diri sndri wlopon rasa cm tau. probably sume da mixed up so end result nya adalah jiwa kacau. mujur da cuti sekolah atliz stress da kurang, and kalau cek heart beat n stress level myb just kt average je. selalunye sampai cecah the highest point,cam da nak mati je gayanya.


masih berdoa n berharap wlau tau impian akan terkubur. masih juga menangis setiap kali tertengok. Semoga saya bukan tergolong dalam org2 yg tak bersyukur dengan ketentuan Allah. Apa pun perasaan sy skrg, sy cuma kecewa kerana impian berterbangan. Semoga Allah mmg akan mmbuka rezeki sy lebih luas. walau apa pun lah dugaannye kehidupan ni,  saya akan belaja utk redha. tapi...saya paling takut kalau sy hilang nikmat kasih sayang dan redha Allah. Paling takut kalau iman hilang. Semoga apa pun yg jdi saya tak putus asa pada ALLAH. semoga ALLAH melindungi hati saya. :')

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Angle Turns Ghost

Subject : Window Shopping
Title : Angle Turns Ghost
Reflection : I thought I have consoled one miserable heart but actually, I have also broken one.

Case 1 : At the head scarf shop

Sales lady : cantik la akak tengok adik pakai selendang ni. beli la dik.
me : ok kak. yg ni ye ( after trying quite a few i decided to buy. yelah, akak tu je called me 'adik'.lama tak dengar da. :p)
sales lady : sorang je ke? mane kawan?
me : hihi sorang je la kak. Baru habis keje je pon ni.
Sales lady : Hmm. xpernah lagi customer datang tukar baju yg da koyak rabak cmni ( tunjuk baju yg koyak cam kena gunting2 kt lengan.) Nanti mesti akak kena marah dgn bos. Susah la dik, akak da banyak kali kena dgn customer. ada tu sampai hina n ugut akak nk report polis la ape. padahal masa beli tu dia sendiri kata ok. sakit hati akak kadang2 tu. kerja cmni mmg selalu kena sabar. Bla3..
Me: ye ke. kesian akak. akak sabar la ye, cari rezeki memang banyak dugaan kan. Takpe la Allah tau memang bukan salah akak, harap2 nye nanti bos akak tak marah kat akak.
Sales lady : kalau dia nak marah pon, marah la, nk potong gaji akak ke.akak da cuba ikut arahan dia tapi customer pon nak marah2 akak.camne la akak sorang2 je nak menjawab. bla3... ( panjang la jugak)

she looked damn worried and sad so i decided to spend a few more minutes listening to her stories. She talked and talked and talked while I just listened. I knew I can't help much, but i knew listening to her can make her feel a bit better. I dont know her, she doesn't know me, but there must be reason why I was there and why she thought she can talk to me. Perhaps Allah wanted me to help her to reduce her worry? sometimes we dont need anything else, we just want people to treat us nicely with respect, kan? Tak kisah la walau keje kedai jual tudung je sekalipon. hm. Finally the kakak said good bye to me with a  smile on her face.

Case 2 : Walking out the store

So, after the counseling session, I decided to grab a lunch from the KFC at the G floor before heading home. Paid rm14 for a snack plate, I walked out the main entrance to get to my car. I noticed the guys from Perodua Show Car booth were staring at me since after I walked out from the KFC. I ignored them. When I was about to get into my car, a man approached me ( he was actually chasing behind me).
Me : Nak ape?
Him : errr. ni kad kawan saya ni. dia er cam nak ngorat la. nak berkenalan. Dia serious! ( mamat ni buat gaya hensem pulak siap tolak rambut ke blakang. )

I looked around and saw no one else .

Him : ni kad dia. amek la. nanti call la dia ek. Dari tadi dia tengok2 awak.



I looked at the card quickly and saw "perodua" and suddenly teringat dulu pon mase first time pick up si kuning dri perodua, the sales guy sempat kejar bagi name kad dia.agaknya mamat perodua ni ramai layan cite korea kot. apsal cam sama je cite ni? creepyyyyy!

Him: Cik, boleh tak nak kenal?
Me : er. eh.  SAYA ISTERI ORANG! ( i blurted out and shock at my own answer)

This man turned blue. speechless. freeze. And suddenly in just a second, he was out of my sight! lari punye laju cam nampak hantu. LOL. hahaha! and it was also a phewww!

** baru fefeling nak berwatakkan angle hari ni  rupanya terjadi hantu pulak di penghujung cerita. Sorry man, I just can't help it.

TEEHEE!

Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Alahai Anak-Anak

I've been wondering what has actually happened lately :

1) Every morning, mesti ada surat cinta ( MC) from pupil's parents or clinic for those who absent the day before. Or at least, mak ayah diorg call or mesej awal2 bgtaw xhadir hri ni ( dalam hati : amboi. bagus betul anak2 ni, ingat tanggungjawab nk prove MC, padahal ckgu pun xigt dia MC. dulu ckgu absent pon jrg de MC. hihi)

2) Nak keluar kelas after finished teaching, mesti ada 5 6 org dtg " teacher, nak tolongggg!'. kekadang tu, dengan muka xde perasaan, bagi la diorg segala buku,pencil case, marker, ABM teacher utk dibawa ke kelas lain or bilik guru. teacher jalan dulu bawak handbag je, toleh belakang tengok sume tengah berebut. siap gaduh. nk pegang atliz sorang 1 barang pon jadila. marker sebatang pon jadi laaa. " Ey. excuse me, not more than 2 people, please." kena sound. yg mane lambat x dpt rebut tu kena duduk balik dan merajuk. what? ( dalam hati : amboii baiknye berbudi bahasa anak2 ni. tpi pastu, ceh,ni kje nak mengelat la ni, pndai ye.)

3) Paling lucu and I can really read them easily. Pagi2 lagi or 10 minit sebelum kelas mula or sampai xrehat pon xpe, dah tunggu kat meja teacher. teacher yg tengah berborak kt meja ckgu lain ni lantakkan aje kat diorg, still diorg tnggu jgk. "yes?" bagi chance la.

Kalau yang muke keruh je tu  " er. Miss Naz, sebenarnye saya nak bagitaw yang keje miss naz bagi semalam tu, saya terlupe buat,sy tak datang, buku hilang, homework tetiba hilang, tertinggal kt kampung, tak taw di mane,saya tak tau pun ade homework...bla3.. my cat eats my homework..." and response teacher, pandang muke dia lama2 and say " Sorry, I don't understand Malay. I'll see you in class right, after this?". They know it ain't a good answer to hear. Mata berair.

kalau yg muke excited xpasal, "teacher2, saya dah siap dah homework semalam!"
" well that's good, i'll see u in class alrite?" eemm. tapi kan teacher, A tak siap lagi. tdi dia tiru B. pastu C and D pon x siap diorg tgh duduk kat kantin cepat2 siapkn keje miss naz takut kena marah' response teacher " U have finished ur own work, that's more important right? and now, I supposed you should be in your class?'  ( dalam hati :amboi, rajennye anak ni. tapi  ada je pulak nak dengki kat kwn kan. gaduh tak nak kawan la tu nak report2)

4) masuk je kelas, after greeting. Sume da letak homework ats meja. Tak payah cakap panjang lebar, just " have you finished your works and are you ready to submit your books?  there you can hear some 'YESSSS' and also u can see.. 2  3 4 org mula berdiri, tunduk pandang meja sampai almost tembus, and lepas tu terimalah nasib masing2.. but alhamdulillah da makin jarang ade yg berdiri.

5) balik dari kelas muzik, PJ, B.Arab or Sains.. lari2 kocoh2  masuk kelas and tengok teacher dah ada dlm kelas ( padahal teacher baru je smpai jgk, and tak kisah pon kt korang,siap tgh dok fkir bnde lain), tetiba bebudak ni senyap sepi and beratur panjang cam ulat bulu. muke masing2 serba salah and one by one ' im sorry miss naz, because im late" ( with broken english sbenarnye). siap bisik marah2 kt kawan yg tak beratur sekali. teacher confused tpi buat2 cool. response teacher ' it's ok, ok,ok, go back to ur seat" ( dalam  hati : alahai, comelnye la anak2 ni.hihihi, korang wat salah ape je? hahahaha)

Teacher : Class, do u think i'm too fierce? are you scared of me?
Class : emm. no. you are kind. but we dont wanna make you angry if we dont finish our homework.  errr.
Teacher : are you sure? Let's be honest. Come onnnnn!
Class : errr... tapi memang miss nazz da makin garang pun. heheheh *laughing happily sebab dapat menjawab tanpa dimarah*
Teacher : U know why I do so right? Its for your own..
class : our own good!
teacher: thumbs up!

( dalam hati : padan la korang makin semacam je baiknye and teacher pulak macam nampak makin cepat tua je. sobs)


TEHEE!

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

:: A Change ::

Okie, done!

Alhamdulillah. berjaya mengimport blog lama ke blog yg. baru ni. tak lama pun. sekejap je prosesnye. hihi. ada beberapa posts yang aku tak publish pon kat blog ni. takpelah. mungkin tidak perlu.

owh. by the way, azam untuk berubah dan lebih memperkasakan bahasa ibunda terkedok ditengah jalan. sebab nak tulis tajuk ape dalam Bahasa Melayu pon kne fikir sepuloh minit. hahaha. So, xpelah. len kali je la memperkasakan bahasa ibunda tu. hiks.

Hri ni seharian mengambil alih tugas mak menjadi surirumah separa masa. sebab lagi separa terbongkang kepenatan selepas aktiviti ini.


BEFORE

Tingggg!!

AFTER

Nasib baik response body language penilai rasa positif. dengan ini aku pasti jika ditakdirkan bersuami sikit masa lagi, suami ku tidak akan mati kebuluran. hahaha.

sekian saja. sekadar merasmi blog baru.

teehee!






Saturday, 9 March 2013

Sabar. Sabar. Sabar.

so my salary issues hasn't been settled.a very long wait indeed.lots of important things can't be settled as well, hanging or might not be settled at all. but since it just not me alone facing this prob but another 3 part time lecturers as well, we just pray that we manage to stay patient and hope that everything will be easier n smoother next time. it just so sad to hear from a colleague that she's also penniless now and do not know how to survive coz she has to juggle with her job in Ipoh n Tluk Intan as well as with her PhD. while another said she felt sorry for us coz tho she hasn't got her pay, atliz she is married and has 'someone' to be relied on. i have learnt too many things throughout these 3 awful months.

1) even thought this is somehow too much to be bear with, i'm still grateful coz it somewhat makes me having more friends in the college as we, all the part-timers have started become close to each other and shared lots of things about teaching. ALHAMDULILLAH.

2) one of the friends told me she has one terrible class to manage where students r so rude and never care to respect her at all.while in my case, the three classes (150 students) that i'm taking care of are super duper awesome. they are nice students who listen to me, do and submit works on time, absent with proper MC and letter of apology for me, funny and friendly, and most interesting, when we had a crazy 8 hours class on Saturday where we had to take break for 3 times, they never tried to escape/go back to room but come back on time to continue the class with the same number of people . trust me, i never have raised my voice in front of them. ALHAMDULILLAH. :')

3) i might hate the fact that the company didn't pay me on time, but i can't hate this place as well coz i did find tranquility in my job. each time i came back from work, i felt content and happy coz my students were well-behaved. at times, when i recall the incidents that happened in the class, i could just laugh. we had good times in class.i never experienced any 'stress' that i used to feel in my practicum phase back then in JB. they made my days! ALHAMDULILLAH.

4) i think Allah has listened to my prayers. i prayed to HIM to please not to test me on something that's beyond my ability to endure. I prayed for HIM to ease us ( me and my students) in fulfilling our responsibilities and also in our journey of seeking and sharing the knowledge. and yes, ALHAMDULILLAH, i believed HE did that.

5) For whatever happens now (not being paid on time and uncertain news about posting), myb it's just a sign that Allah wants to test my patience coz the more He testing me, the more i become close to him. i can feel the love despite all the hardships and pains. so, SABAR. SABAR. SABAR. i have too much reasons to be grateful, thankful and smiled with, so i just hope this is how i can survive until i could see the rainbow again. Mira Mir Shaza Shazana the friends and sisters who always r listen and gimme strength, may Allah be close to ur side as well. I ♥ U! :)

# self-motivation #Teacher'sDiary #superbroke