I guess i'm approaching a new phase of life now. As a new year will begin in few days' time, i can see the pattern of my daily routines,how i make use of my times and what comes to my concern also slowly undergo few adjustments and changes.
i thought everything is gonna be so though and impossible. it is hard, but at the certain degree, it is also not that difficult. Thank You ALLAH! i know it is still too far to make any conclusion. i don't need the conclusion tho. for the time being, i just wanna live my life a bit better than before. i don't ask for more, but i just wanna smile and have all the pains blown away. away, with not even a tiny size of anger, revenge and unnecessary jealousy residing the little space in my heart.
if i ask my friends, they would say, i have been wasted my precious times in Auckland for a year, A YEAR, crying over things that never worth my tears.but i wont say that. i'l say, it might be a promise that i have agreed with God before i was born, to test my existence and obedience as His servant on this very earth. to make me become more appreciative towards and be able to value something or someone who will come in my future life better. IF it meant to be a mistake, then it was a mistake that i'v never intended to do. IF i ever knew it will end this way, i might have left long time ago, but what i did was, i tried to be the best person who devoted her promises n love with all her best. regret? i shudn't say that. bcoz when i did it, i was sincere. i have tried my best, but eventually it never turned the way we always wanted it to be.
there are things in this life, when they are not meant for us, it will stay that way.when they cross our mind, when we try to make them become reality or to turn them upside down, that won't be happened. never ever. no matter how we believe 'everything is possible if we put an effort on it' or ' try to be a sticking finger' , if it doesn't mean for us,again, it'll never b. i'm not trying to make people lose hope or feel demotivated here, but it's a truth. there are things like dat which people should accept as a fate. my lecturer once said, 'try to b a sticking finger and people will knock u down'. yes, dat's the mentality people nowadays have, never feel easy with what others do. but in my situation, i was not trying to be a sticking finger just to see whether people knock me down or not, cos they did knock me down, but i was believed that 'differences' do not promise our happiness, but the understandability and compatibility we have will do. but, when the understandability and compatibility are no longer there, you know what happens.
i'm on my way to search for a bright side of my journey of life. i'm seeing a very dim light in front there, and there are fireflies fly around along this pretty dark path i'm walking through. i started to see the sunshine as i open my eyes in the morning. it's still to far but i'm glad that ALLAH has guided me till i reached here, where finally i'm able to open my eyes n mind and see how beautiful he has created this life and be grateful to realize that life will never end just because we've lost something we treasured so much before.like a rainbow appears after rain, like there's always dark before dawn, it's always a better life for us after all the rains and storms we had to face.
i believe, someone is getting his rainbow and sunshine too now. coz i never blame him for everything happened and never want to punish him with my anger and revenge. i have zero of those things, but thousands good things about him in my mind. he was a good person. we were a perfect lovebird,but it was the situation which not perfect enough. and, yes. we cant decide our fate and destiny to follow our own way,coz ALLAH always knows best. have a faith, but.. only to ALLAH. :)))))
" teman yang baik adalah teman yang sentiasa ada disisi disaat kita melalui detik-detik yang sukar dan disaat kite mahukan seseorang untuk bergelak ketawa. "
~0RanGeVaNilla~
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