:: ALHAMDULILLAH ::

Alhamdulillah...

that's the only word i wanna say rite now, as im lying on the couch and looking out of the sliding door, i see how beautiful the view outside there. i see people are busy working by the side of the duck pond that we have here, behind of our house. they are the crews of Power Rangers series. just finished the shooting session. funny eih? haha. naa. it's normal.we always have this kind of free entertainment since we stay in this area. i just have no idea what type of monster they Rangers have been fought today coz i didnt see any. myb they had the scenes done in Vector Arena, which located at the right side of our house lot.

then i look at the pond, i see ducks are swimming freely. free and calm. birds are flying here and there,looking for food. sometimes in big  group, sometimes just few of them. at this moment, while im typing this,im so much healthy, feeling good and the weather also fine,sunny but with not so cold wind.makes my heart feels so serene. alhamdulillah.'hey!', my heart shouts. 'look, how beautiful this place,how nice the air, how lucky that u are here.dont u??'. i smile. and nod. 'yes.i am', i say. 

Allah, at this moment, im so much feeling thankful and grateful, for everything that U grant me. i sometimes cant believe it, U always listen to my prayers. i have felt so much pains, i have cried a lot, i have always been feeling so small when im comparing myself with others..throughout this life.but, u never allows me to always feel dat. i remember, how pains always made me cry and give up,, but finally after some times, i bucked up, put myself together again and still alive. i indeed after all, became a more wise matured person coz i learnt best when i experienced it.

i remember my childhood. we never were rich (and we still are not until now). i was not from a family who can get everything  that they wish to have in just one second. sometimes i had lots of unfulfilled wishes that i kept secretly in my heart for years - coz i dare not to ask for that from my parents.i was (n am) a little too ambitious, i know. so i had this dream. i wanted to be a veterinarian or whatever regarding to medical/biology things, i wanted to study abroad,i wanted to have 'mixed kids' coz i dreamt of marrying a man with different race ( how stupid this dream was, now i dont dream bout this anymore. haha), i wanted to buy a big car and house, i wanted to be a rich people in the future, i wanted to change my family's way of live- entirely, if possible. im not saying i want us to be a super rich type of people. i just want us to be better,  BETTER in a sense of..money will never b a reason  again for y we cant do lotsa things that we really wanna do to have a normal happy life like others do..

but, despite of everything im rumbling about, i have no regret for who i am and how my life is.never.

as im looking back to my own life history, i can see.. ALLAH have answered lots of my prayers and HE sometimes, has decided the BETTER n BEST things for me. while i was actually gave up with my future n study 4 years ago, HE brought me here. HERE means, to my destiny that i have today. i am finally fated to be in TESOL course tho this is what i never wanted to be, i am fated to be fully sponsored by the gov for my study without needing to be worried if im gonna b jobless after i'v completed my degree coz the job is already guaranteed for me.. and the best part is, im finally - ABROAD. my dad's and mum's  little Nazura or Kak La is now studying in a Bachelor Degree of TESOL course and will be holding a degree from the best university in NEW ZEALAND. alhamdullilah..ALLAH is so nice to me. im here , now in this beautiful house which i will never b able to own someday in the future,as an international student of UoA, almost completing my 3rd year degree..and feel blessed by HIM.oh ALLAH, thank you so much!

i am only a teacher in the future. and being one, i wont gain much. so, i dont know if i still can have a hope to pursue my other dreams and get 'em fulfilled . my little salary might not allow me to have new big car n house,may not make me become a rich person n i might not be able to change my family's life- entirely. yet, i hope.. i still can make it better. if i had lotsa dream being left and forgotten as it never have been fulfilled, its ok. for whatever im dreaming now,im gonna make  it comes true. in fact, im gonna make my parents' and siblings' dreams come true too. i'll try my best.

i dont do much thing.i am nothing to be proud about but when my mum told me that i hv made her n dad feel proud of their child, i feel happy.a very strange feeling aroused inside my heart n i know, somehow or rather, all the pains , at least, have been paid off - tho im not a doctor, a veterinarian as i dreamt, an engineer, or whatever it is. and listening to her story, to her heart, with those old but smiling eyes, made me cry...

yes, i forgot lots of my childhood dreams but now being an adult, i am more realistic. ALLAH knows this course n my future profession r the best for me.so i shud be thankful. he sent me here to let me see world, his other creatures and the uniqueness underlies behind it. he gave me a self pride that somewhat is like a buffer to my flaws from the past. and im no more dreaming bout the 'mixed kids' coz i wanna marry a muslim, that seems like.. not from other culture n custom anymore. who, where, what he is doing now.. is still far from my knowledge. i leave it to ALLAH to decide coz he always knows what is the best for me...somebody told me " take a good care of our relationship with ALLAH, he'll taking care the rest for us." :))

ALHAMDULILLAH ....