|| Reality ||

i guess i never wrote bout this before, but today i really feel like writing it. this will be my 99th published post after almost 3 years of blogging.

well, my life ain't go so well after my matriculation year. i went true lotsa hardships and dat has changed me entirely and made me became a different person. i couldnt really describe how different i have become but i know, somehow it is just normal to be changed coz everybody experiences changes in their lives.how they change, dat's another story.

when i'm approaching the age of 23, i see world in different view. what life offers me, what can i do, what i need to achieve...all are ways too different compared to few years back. and being a girl, this age really gives me a duty. tho i never care bout how much my age has become, i have people around me who keep on reminding me bout my duty. yes, it's always in indirect ways but i never hv failed to give good interpretations bout it. i know what it means so well.

it's a miracle that suddenly when i become a big girl, i become a best friend of my mum. so she is. she is my bestie. she always tells me, we have few things in common. but among of  those similarities, she doesnt want me to feel the pains that she had felt before. she wants the best for me but im always at fault coz i constantly chose the wrong ways.

as im getting older and hoping myself getting wiser, i can see what she said was rite. im making my way to walk on the safe path now. i need courage and it's difficult to do.i always need to remind myself to be patient and face the reality. i have too much worries and scared of unnecessary things, people said. but they never know all these worries are based. i cried over things that haunt me coz somehow i do feel scared of them. dad knows bout that, and i know i made him upset. i have no regret for who i am, but i know to make an amendment, it is too far from possible and out of my ability.

so i finally make up my decision, i wont think bout future things too much now. i rather live like this and let thing happens da way it wanna be happened. i will never make any plans, or dream of anything. coz the burden hits me even more vigorously now. i cant take it out of my mind nor to pretend it is not a part of my life. what i need to do is to face it, and yes, the truth is, IT IS DIFFICULT! may ALLAH bless me, guide me, and let me be close to HIM, forever...